Last year after a long search of many years and more luck than I can express, I looked into my uncle’s eyes for the first time after 40 years. And it is as if I am looking in to my own eyes, in to a mirror seeing myself 30 years from now. Seeing my uncle gives me the feeling of seeing my father if he would have lived now.
Besides our looks, my uncle and I have a lot in common. Our strongest commonality is what people around me call being stubborn, I prefer to see it as persistent and knowing what we want.
It was strange for me to experience how much I am apparently formed by my genes as I always believed the upbringing by my beloved adoptive parents formed me most. This believe was maybe enhanced by the fact that I had no reference at all to my family, my birth family.
Maybe it was good that I met my uncle first, allowing me to get used to finding out who I am, where I come from because this weeks I learned that my body and look are mostly formed by my father, my mind and soul were shaped by the heritage of my mother. This I felt every second being with my aunt this week, my beloved mother’s sister.
We are so alike in our inner being, some many preferences in common. Even our dislikes are the same. And even though we speak different languages, our voices are so familiar. We even have the same little lisp which we try to hide and when we get really excited, we stutter a bit and feel ashamed about that in the same way.
We teach for the same reason, we both love to be part of the education of young people and do whatever we can to give them the best chance in life. We love history and historical maps, and our favorite books are used books with notes from the previous owners. Yes, we both think about what the previous owners thought about the book and wonder if we share the same opinion.
This is not just driven by my wish to find my family, to find my roots and finally find out who I really am. My precious sensitive little girl always needs time to accept new people. Not with my uncle and my aunt. She accepted them both from the first second, refers to them with my name and does from the first moment with people only very close. She kisses the faces of my uncle and aunt.
I found a big part of myself in my aunt, the heritage from my mother. 40 years being myself without knowing who I am. Raised by the most loving adoptive parents this world has ever seen, loved as I am until their last day. I realize now that I have 4 parents and each one formed me to who I am today. I love you moms and dads, all of you!
To my previous daughter Leia: I vow I will always be your father and when you are old enough we will find your family together, find your roots together when you allow me to be part of your journey, just as much as you are now part of mine.